She sneaks around the world
by joshlamont
Summary: Xander, having never yet failed to find a slayer, may have met his match. Or, perhaps, found her...
1. And Faith thought she was bad

Little bit of an idea that popped in. One shot, unless something brilliant hits me at three in the morning one night. As always, I own nothing.

* * *

"Hello?"

"Hey, Buffy, I think I got a lead."

"Xander? Weren't you on a slow boat in China?"

"Yeah, I jumped ship in Taiwan. But listen, I think she stole Seoul in South Korea."

"She steals souls? We've got a soul-stealing slayer?"

"No, Seoul, the city."

"A city. She stole a city. Xander, are we sure she's a slayer?"

"One hundred percent, Buff. She was tricky way before the Calling, though- stole the snow right offa' Mt. Fuji. The slayer boost just let her up her game. Anyway, I need to talk to Giles. Can you get him for me?"

"Yeah, sure, just give me a second." Xander listened to the clunk of the phone onto a counter.

_"Giles!"_ Buffy's voice echoed in the background. There was a faint patter of footsteps for a moment, and then everything went quiet.

A few minutes later, there was some shuffling in the background and then a scrape as somebody's hand lifted the phone. "Yes, hello?"

"G-man, hey! Got a question here for you. Before Seoul disappeared, the girl was trying to set up a market for Nubian baskets with some of your britsy moolah. Any idea why?"

"Britsy moo- You mean pounds?"

"Yeah, that's the stuff."

"Well, considering it was _Nubian_ baskets, she was probably planning some sort of trade connection with Egypt."

"Ah. Gotcha. So she's in de Nile?"

"Oh, dear Lord."

Xander grinned at the groan that came over the line "Thanks for the tip-off, G-man. Tell Willow we'll be tapping into the witch-net for a port to the land of the mummies."

* * *

Xander tried to keep his balance on the strut of the zeppelin flying over Greenland.

"You don't have to do this!" he cried out to the woman hanging from the rope above.

"_Have_ to? Of course not!" she laughed. "_Want_ to? Definitely!"

"Look, I doubt anyone's going to miss the salt in the Dead Sea, but every last drop of salsa in Mexico? You'll ruin their economy!" Xander shouted against the wind. "And the best coffee in Guatemala? I've seen slayers kill for less!"

She smirked. "Good thing I'm one of them now according to you, hey?"

"You like the challenge, I get it, I do. You need it. But you could be helping people with that need instead of hurting them. I mean, that thing with the Dead Sea probably wiped out every salt monster for miles!"

"I was a goody-gumshoe once already, Watcher-boy! And…" There was a sudden flash, and a large golden bubble began floating up toward the zeppelin. "Now I've got all the yellow in not-so-green-anymore land! Time for you to go!"

"At least put back the dikes!" Xander cried, grabbing onto a rail for support. The zeppelin shuddered. "It could save lives! Or replace them with something better! Something only you could do!"

"Hmm." Her red coat flew in the wind as she swung down to where Xander was and right up to his face. "Only since you asked, handsome." Then she kissed him and pushed him over the side.


	2. Seriously, he's just that good

There was a knock on the door.

"Yes, come on," Giles said, not bothering to look up. He heard a click and the sound of soft boot steps. It was a measure of how much time he'd spent around slayers that he knew they were boots.

"Mr. Giles?"

"Yes?" He looked up. "Ah, I'm sorry, I'm afraid I don't know you?"

"I'm one of the new slayers."

"Ah, yes, well-" he gestured in front of him. "Have a seat. " He looked down at the paper he'd been working on and made a few corrections. The scrape of wood let him know that she'd pulled out a seat. "What can I do for you, Ms…?"

"I've stolen the sun's light."

"Beg pardon?" Giles started, looking up. The girl was dressed in an overly-bright red trench coat, something he wasn't expecting; most of the slayers tended to be girls of fashion.

"I said, I've stolen the sun's light," she said, calmly holding her hat.

Giles glanced outside. "It still seems to be there."

The girl smiled. "Oh, I only got back five minutes ago. The earth should run out in about three more."

"I see." Giles steepled his finger. "And why, may I ask, if you have done such a thing, did you do it?"

She held out a vial. Despite being painted black, the inside seemed to glow with an almost painful intensity. "It was an interesting challenge. And it was only a minute's word. I thought it might be useful at night."

"For vampires?" Giles mused, sitting back. "A minute's worth? Rather one-shot, don't you think?"

"I don't think you understand." The girl flashed him a fierce grin. "I stole an _entire sun's_ worth of sunlight. That's thirty thousand _trillion trillion_ shots."

"Good Lord!" Giles exclaimed, nearly falling out of his seat. "That's… that much energy could destroy the entire planet!"

The girl laughed. "Don't worry, Mr. Giles, it's only sunlight. It can't explode unless you turn it into something else, and you're too fuddy-duddy for something like that." She tossed him the vial. "Think of it as a supernatural pest repellent."

He fumbled as he caught it. "How the devil did you-" But the girl was gone.

"Hmph," Giles muttered. "Bloody slayers, always trying to show off as if they were bloody _Batman_…"

Three thousand miles away, a woman in a red trench coat slipped into an office in the VILE headquarters and laughed softly.

"That ought to keep them scrambling for a while! Mm, doing bad deeds for good is rather fun. I wish I could see the look on that boy's face was like when they told him-"

She froze as she snapped on a lamp. There, on her desk, was a thin package wrapped in brown paper and twine. She glanced at the door. Still locked from the inside- nobody should have been able to get in here except for her.

She carefully walked over to the desk and gingerly picked it up. It didn't _seem_ to be booby trapped, but one could never be too careful in her profession. There was a card taped to the top. As she pulled it free, her nose caught a hint of rich chocolate. Could it actually- but who would send her anything like that? She opened the note.

_Our thanks for your bright contribution to the cause. I'm sure Andrew is already having a geekspasm over, shall we say,the light of the matter. I hope you find this a… tasteful gift._

_Until the next time we meet,  
Handsome_

_P.S. You might look into getting smaller ventilation shafts. Don't feel bad, it's a classic villain mistake._


End file.
